Just the Way You Are
by bluegirl-783
Summary: Joseph's perceptions of his wife and other moments, two months after their wedding; the second chapter is Clarisse's perceptions of her husband...with a few memories
1. Joseph

_Author's Note: just a two parter using different perceptions- namely Clarisse and Joseph's- to describe some private moments between them; a different way for writing, I guess!_

_The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me!_

I love my wife.

It's early in the morning, two months after our surprise wedding and, as usual, I am watching her sleep- she dislikes this intensely but I can't help it, I was awake long before she was (many years of being up at five am just in case the royal family (or the Queen, in recent years) was up earlier than expected) and because I have spent my life watching over her and protecting her, watching her sleep peacefully beside me is a dream come true for me...and I love her more as I watch her, knowing that she is my wife and that we're 'finally' married and that I will be able to tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she is, every day if I want to... which brings me back to the realisation that I love my wife...

How could I not? As far as I'm concerned, she is the most beautiful woman in the world, both inside and out; the best friend I have ever had (quite a change from my earlier years, when I used to prefer to confide to my college best friend or male work colleagues, but a change that I found was beneficial and I came to enjoy very much) ; and she was, unknowingly and quite innocently, part (about half) of the reason I never married and had a family of my own. Having deep and ever growing feelings for the Queen of Genovia was hardly conducive to establishing relationships with other women, although I did try, I really did try... but long or short courtship, I ALWAYS came to the conclusion that while most of them were very nice, they deserved so much better than me and, more callously... they weren't... _her._

I didn't choose to fall in love with a married woman- and a queen, no less- and I had fought hard against my feelings for a long time (although, in retrospect, it was a battle that I knew that I would lose), had even told myself that she was _married to a King _and would remain so till death did they part (and I never wished that the King would pass on- it was a dreadful shock when he did) but I couldn't fight it anyway- which was ironic, considering I had had quite the reputation as a ladies man (although, deep down, I was always a one woman man, monogamous and willing to commit to a life with someone).

No, I couldn't fight my attraction to the Queen, an attraction that deepened into feelings that I had never experienced and finally developed into a love that I knew was special, once in a lifetime, even though I knew that there was a possibility that it would never be returned... still, as the saying goes, it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all- although, in my case, it was to have loved but never had had reciprocated...either way, I knew that I loved her and that was al that mattered to me.

I didn't actually expect her to respond to our attraction, with obviously the exact same strength of feeling as my own- there was a mutual attraction, we could both feel it but out of respect for both the King and Queen (but mainly the Queen), I kept my feelings strictly under wraps and behaved as professionally as possible towards her (although the boundaries were quickly blurred when I felt the need to point out when she was doing the wrong thing, security wise- and she didn't like that) but there was a moment when I realised that she was just as attracted to me...

0

"_Joseph?" came Her Majesty's soft voice from inside the bedroom as I waited out in the main living room area of the suite- having only been on the palace staff for four years, I usually wasn't allowed anywhere near the royal suites (and especially not inside them) but there had been a staffing emergency that pressed me into service as Her Majesty's primary security at the Genovian State dinner._

"_Yes, Your Majesty?" I had been standing patiently at the opposite end of the room, waiting for a signal from outside to inform me that the Queen needed to be ready to meet her husband downstairs- they had separate suites, had had since the youngest son was born 11 year earlier but that was something I didn't want to ruminate on, it wasn't any of my business, although I had heard the rumours about the King and his various mistresses and had felt sorry for the Queen._

"_May I ask you to do a favour for me?" came from the inner sanctum and I wondered what the favour was going to be, although I automatically replied:  
_

_"Of course, Your Majesty?"  
_

_"Can you tell me whether this dress is appropriate for this evening?" and I was dumbfounded- could she actually be wanting my opinion (my OPINION- I was merely the second security guard, a nobody in the security hierarchy, although I had ambition and determination to raise my profile eventually) about a dress she was going to wear tonight? I didn't think I could do that, and I began stammering in response:  
_

_"Your Majesty... I'm not sure that I would be the best person..." but the rest of my words died on my lips as she came into view and I was hard pressed not to drop my mouth open- she looked absolutely __**exquisite!**_

_I couldn't actually recognise the dress itself- I would not have been able to describe it, let alone know who made it (probably her personal dressmaker) or even the materials but I did know enough to be able to describe how the lavender dress caressed the gentle curves and slender figure of the 34 year old Queen and I also knew that it brought out the colour of her eyes, softened her features, allowed her complexion to glow, revealed beautiful rounded shoulders and a long graceful neck and shiny hair...but how could I put any of that into words? How could I put a compliment into appropriate words that wouldn't insult her but not embarrass me? How could I even DARE say what I was truly thinking...  
_

_"You... you look beautiful, Your Majesty," I finally said, humbly lowering my eyes so that she couldn't see how much I REALLY liked her dress and the way she looked in it...she WAS one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid eyes on...no, she was the MOST beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on..._

"_Joseph," she had obviously moved closer to me as I could hear her skirts swishing and the scent of her perfume hit my nose. "Joseph," she said again, patiently and I finally had to lift my eyes up to meet her beautiful royal blue eyes... there goes the **beautiful** word again, I told myself sternly- I was hopeless, I truly was!_

"_Thank you," her smile was kind. "I appreciate your compliment...I probably shouldn't have asked you, I was being inappropriate."  
_

_"Not at all," I said hastily, almost stumbling over my own words. "I was pleased that I could help..."  
_

_"I just wanted a man's opinion... His Majesty..." before she stopped short, looking a little sad and I felt awkward, not wanting to embarrass the Queen by acknowledging her feelings but actually wanting to be of assistance by acknowledging her feelings, before she straightened up and her jaw tightened up, as if she was preparing for her entrance with her husband- I could almost see the barrier coming down around her heart and soul... before she gave me another look, a warmer look but with something else there... I wasn't sure what it was (and would spend the evening and ensuing days and weeks puzzling over it) but, in retrospect, it was her response to what I had said and that she had seen what I was feeling about her in my eyes... _

_She was attracted to me as well, she liked me more as a man rather than her bodyguard, just as I liked her as a woman, a very beautiful woman...but we were also both puzzled at the almost instant connection that had sprung up between us and how we were going to deal with it..._

_0_

"Are you watching me sleep **again**?" came my beloved wife's voice, bringing me out of my reverie and I looked down to see her sleepily glaring up at me. "I honestly don't know WHY you do it... my hair's a mess, you can see all my wrinkles, I look ugly, I'm grumpy and I'm just..." before I stopped her half hearted complaints (they were getting weaker by the day) by leaning down and sealing her lips with mine for our usual warm, loving good morning kiss.

"Good morning, my love," I said when we finally broke apart and Clarisse gave me a slightly abased smile.

"Good morning, darling... I have to admit that you have a lovely way of waking me up in the morning, I've gotten used to it very quickly."

"Good," I kissed the top of her mussed head as she snuggled closer to me (I knew that even if she was annoyed at me, she couldn't resist getting closer- she loved being held), the perfume of her shampoo again wafting up my nose but I don't mind- I love all her scents and they, along with the sound of her heels on the parquet floors, usually indicated where she was or where she would be- I had learnt that lesson a long time ago while I was still 'just' a bodyguard. Once I had become her personal security (and then Head of Security) it was almost a second sense to know where Clarisse was. "You deserve to be woken up this way every day."

"Is that a promise?" she looked at me with wide blue eyes, suddenly much more awake and I couldn't help but chuckle as I leaned forward and kissed her again, enjoying her soft lips gently teasing my own... she can be such a flirt when she wanted to be...

"Definitely, I promise..."

"What about watching me sleep?"

"Yes, I'm going to keep doing that- you have no idea how irresistible you are when you're sleeping... besides," I added, deciding to turn the tables on her. "I would like to know... if you're awake and I'm asleep, how do I know that you don't watch me sleep?" I teased and took great pleasure in seeing her face turn red and watch her try to bury her face in her pillow, but I wouldn't let her- I wanted to hear this. "You do, don't you?"

"Well...it's just too... wonderful...not to watch you and realise that this dream has come true," she muttered, trying to squirm away but stopped when she realised that I was watching her, too touched to even want to tease her even more and, after a few moments, she finally raised her head to look back at me. "Joseph?"

"I... I don't know what to say..."I finally said and I was being truthful- it stunned me to realise that she truly felt that way about me...it was a dream come true for me when we got married but I still couldn't believe that she felt exactly the same way...

"Tell me," she said gently, moving a little closer to me and I knew that I had to say what I was feeling- she wouldn't let it go until she knew what I was really thinking, I had learnt that the hard way a long time ago but I guess that's why she was my best friend... she never missed anything...but still, sometimes I needed some gentle reminders that she was the person I trusted most with my thoughts and dreams.

"I just never imagined that this would actually happen... us sleeping together, going to sleep together every night, watching each other wake up, enjoying these early morning moments..."

"Oh sweetheart," she pulled me close to her, her warm body flush with mine (and reminding me of the night before, when we fell asleep in each other's arms after making love) and I had to fight to remain in THIS moment (rather than remembering the night before) as she gently dropped kisses on my bare shoulder and slowly made her way up my neck, jaw and up towards my lips. "I never realised... I thought I was the only one who really revelled in those moments..."

"You are so very wrong about that," I said huskily as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close- she didn't shy away from me now, in fact she embraced these moments and I had come to realise that her first marriage had probably been chillier than I had imagined. "I _cherish _these moments and always will- that's a promise- but you have never realised how beautiful you look when you're asleep..."

"As compared to when I'm awake?" she teased, giving me a stern look but her eyes were twinkling too much and her lips were fighting a smile.

"No, I cannot choose between the two sides of you... all I know is that I love both sides of you..." I said with a grin- I so very much loved this woman, she was so beautiful, so soft and smelled so sweet... but she was also so passionate and playful...

"I didn't realise..." she looked bashful but the twinkle in her eye told me that she was actually flattered at the compliment and was trying to fish for more...honestly, women! Not just Clarisse, but all women- they had to ask for more...not that I minded with my wife, she deserved every compliment I could think of...

"You shouldn't have to...you are absolutely exquisite and it will give me a great deal of pleasure to tell you that time and time again... do you have a problem with that?" I looked down at her questioningly and she laughed.

"I suppose I have no other option...but I DO love you, Joseph, I hope you know that," she looked at me seriously, her twinkling blue eyes suddenly sober and I knew how much and how deeply she meant those words.

"I love you too, Clarisse... always... just the way you are..." before our lips met again for another kiss.

0

"How do I look?" Clarisse emerged from the bedroom a couple of hours later- we were due to have lunch with the Prime Minister and his wife as well as our granddaughter and Nicholas and, as always, Clarisse wanted to look her best (not that she didn't look it anyway- she was always one of the best dressed women in Genovia) and she had taken to seeking my opinion whenever we went out in public, not that I minded- I always told her that she looked gorgeous- but I often had to wonder why she was so insecure about her looks... although, knowing Rupert as I did, I shouldn't have been surprised...

I turned now from the window to see her standing in front of me, dressed in a pale peach linen suit (that was all I knew- I didn't know anything about designers or styles or the rest of the nonsense), the knee length skirt rustling slightly as she twirled flirtatiously for me (and I suspected that she loved doing this with me, to flirt with me while seeking my approval, which she did not need) and I couldn't help but feel proud that this lovely woman was my wife.

"You look as beautiful as always, my dear," I said, walking towards her and taking her left hand in my own- and admiring the plain gold band and my mother's engagement ring on her ring finger, it definitely showed the world that Clarisse Renaldi Bonnell was _mine..._

"Getting a touch possessive again, are we?" she teased as I lightly kissed her hand. "I always see that look in your eyes when you see those rings...but I have to admit that I love that look..."

"Good, because I'm probably always going to be feeling that every time I see those rings...you are _mine,_" I growled huskily, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close.

"Good... I love knowing that..." and then lightly kissed my cheek before pulling away to rub any traces of lipstick off my cheek. "But you didn't really say whether you liked my outfit..." she pulled away completely to stand expectantly in front of me. "So...? Do I look too old in this... are my wrinkles too obvious?"

"Sweetheart, you know you look beautiful in anything... you know I'm very much biased in your favour whenever you select an outfit..."

"But...?"

"No buts- all you need to know is that you are definitely not ugly and I love all your wrinkles- I love kissing them all."

"Kissing them ALL? How many do I have?" she almost squealed, looking horrified and I realised that I had made a mistake- I had discovered, days into our marriage, that as with most women, my wife was rather sensitive about her looks (although not as badly as other women I had known over the years; compared to them, my Clarisse was seemingly disinterested, but it was only recently that I had noticed she was taking more care with her looks and asking my opinion). "Am I really that old looking?"

"No, no, no my darling," I soothed as I pulled her into my arms again. "You are definitely NOT old- you're beautiful inside and out and I would never consider you old..." I paused, waiting for her to make a sound (even a sob) but I was surprised to feel her shoulders shaking before she pulled away to reveal that she was laughing. "What on...?"

"I couldn't resist!" she chuckled. "You were so apologetic and sweet...I know that I'm getting older and that wrinkles are inevitable... and that I'm more than a little sensitive about my looks but I haven't really thought about my looks before we got married..."

"Why now...?"

"I am a woman, Joseph, not Queen anymore- a very old fashioned woman, but a woman none the less, and I want to make sure that my husband is happy." She gave me a withering look, as if I wasn't smart enough to understand what she was doing- and she was right, I didn't.

"And I wouldn't be happy if you weren't careful about your looks?"

"I want to look my best for you, Joseph- you are my husband and I want to look...good for you...that's why I always ask you about my outfits- I want your opinion so that I can dress for you."

I stared at her for a moment, touched beyond words that this sophisticated woman, a woman who had been Queen and had seen and done so much over the years, was deep down a very simple woman who had very simple, old fashioned tastes and whims... and that she wanted to dress for _me,_ a man who had only been her bodyguard for nearly thirty years...HOW could she really want that?

"You don't need to look your best for me- you are perfect as far as I'm concerned, and whatever you wear is what I love... I don't care what you look like, you look beautiful to me."

"Which is what I really love about you, you don't care about things like that... but I want to do it anyway for you...do you understand?"

"I guess..." but it still surprised me that a powerful woman would want to dress for _me!_

"You look surprised," she said softly, leading me towards the sofa and we sat down together, her hands still clutching mine. "Could it be that you're just as insecure as me... that you are worried that a Queen should love a man like you?"

"Could be..." was all I could say and she immediately moved closer and squeezed my hands tighter.

"I DO love you- and you should know why. You saw me and loved me as Clarisse rather than the Queen- and I love you for the man you are, so much more than Rupert- and while you cannot believe I can love you, I can and I will... you are truly a gentleman and if I could find a way to show that publicly, I would."

"You don't need to do that..."

"I want to- but I want you to know that I would do that for you..." she concluded softly and I smiled.

"I know that... I just can't believe that you love me... you LOVE me...I'm hardly the most glamorous man in the world..."

"But you are the love of my life and that's more important...but does it truly bother you that I ask you your opinion about what I'm wearing?"

"Not at all... I just wish everyone else (and you at times) saw you as I see you- incomparable," I said simply and suddenly it was my wife's turn to dab at her eyes.

"Oh Joseph... you really are a romantic," she said gently, a small smile on her face and I laughed.

"No... I just love my wife more than anything..."

Her eyes softened even more- and I loved that we were finally able to talk about our TRUE feelings and how we really felt about each other- but before she could say anything in response, there was a gentle knock on the door and we both knew that it was our time to go downstairs and while it was welcome (and necessary), I also cursed it- it prevented Clarisse from telling me what she was feeling, although I knew that the past few minutes had more than convinced me of her devotion to me... what still puzzled me was that WHY she was so devoted to me...

"You are more than you know," she murmured softly after I had helped her up and, arm in arm we walked towards the suite doors- I loved the physical closeness and that we were 'allowed' to be so close to each other although, even if it hadn't been 'allowed', I still would have wanted to be close to her...just like I had been on our wedding day when, half way up the aisle, I had pulled her arm completely into mine so that we were close... the fact that we were about to be married in front of the entire parliament and country had slipped my mind, all I really cared about was that Clarisse was near me and I knew that she had desired the same as I felt a small squeeze after I had done just that as well as the brief smile she had thrown my way...

Our wedding day had been the happiest day in my life- even surpassing the day when I discovered that she loved me and the days when we shared our more intimate moments (when we were still establishing our relationship and trying to understand each other's boundaries)... on this day, Clarisse was going to become my wife and everyone would know that we had had a relationship much deeper than bodyguard and Queen or even friends... that we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

"You're dreaming," she suddenly teased and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed as my cheeks turned hot but she leaned over and breathed gently into my ear: "You should do it more often... you look less tense... "

"I suppose I always used to look so tense because my job was fairly difficult... and my main charge liked to try and escape me," I teased, narrowly avoiding a gentle slap on the arm from her.

"I wasn't all that bad!" she protested.

"You did try, though, didn't you?" I teased- there were a number of instances that came to mind when she _attempted _(and not very successfully- someone usually spotted her and came to report to me) to avoid her security team (even for a simple walk around the garden, and I _could _and _did _understood her reasoning- I wouldn't like to be constantly followed around, with no privacy) but I had my job to do and protecting her was my job.

"You know perfectly well that I did," she stuck her nose up in the air with mock hauteur as I followed her out of the suite into the cool hallway. "I can still remember the lectures you gave me...you were just fortunate that I CHOSE to accept your impudence rather than fire you on the spot!"

"_You _were just fortunate that I didn't take my complaint to His Majesty... he could have had your Head of Security impose severe conditions on you..."

"That wouldn't have happened," she said flippantly. "There may have been stringent conditions but they wouldn't have been imposed..."

"And why not, madam?" I wasn't at all surprised at her words- while Queen, she tended to listen to her own advice over anyone else's- and she rarely took advice from her husband.

"Because..." she stopped and stared at me. "I was Queen- I had to be accessible to the people, I had to be able to move freely around the palace and every where we went... but," she paused for a moment and gave a slightly small smile. "I have to admit that you were right... I was being deliberately silly with my safety and causing problems with my security when I shouldn't have... you already had a hard enough job without my selfish whims..."

"They weren't selfish whims... I DID understand why you tried to give your security the slip- I'm sure I would have tried to do the same in your position..."

"I'm sure you would have been much more sneaky than I."

"Oh, I don't know about that," I chuckled wryly- Clarisse certainly possessed a great deal of natural cunning and she would have had plenty of ideas of how to escape her security... after all, she was the mother of Phillipe, the Crown Prince whose security team had to practically run beside him to keep up with him, a fact that I reminded her of seconds later. "Phillipe had to have inherited the ingenuity and cunning gene from someone... and I assume that it would have had to been from you... I can't imagine Rupert having tried to escape his security!"

"He didn't... but then again, he paid them well enough to turn a blind eye with his mistresses," she said in a neutral tone, but when I looked at her expression- stopping again halfway down the stairs- I noticed that it wasn't sad or bitter... it was an expression of acceptance and peace... she had finally moved on and wasn't bitter about his indiscretions. "You seem surprised that I didn't seem so bothered about his infidelities anymore," she suddenly turned to me and I couldn't hide my surprise.

"Not necessarily... but he caused you so much pain..."

"He did and I will never forget that," she said calmly, gently touching my cheek with her hand. "But it was necessary that I moved on from that- and so much healthier- and I have... and you have had a great deal to do with that...knowing that you loved me, really loved me, was what saw me through those years," she said before she turned and continued down the stairs, leaving me with another surprise to adjust to...I knew that I had been a great support to her during those years, but I never realised that our love had been the one thing that had really helped her...

"Are you coming?" she was at the bottom of the stairs looking up with a smile and I realised that she was waiting for me.

"Of course I am," before I moved quickly down the stairs to join her, although this conversation with her was NOT over!

0

Her Majesty Queen Amelia (sorry, Mia- she much preferred being known by her nickname amongst her family and friends) and Lord Devereaux (Nicholas or Nick, as he preferred to be known as) were already in the dining room with the Motazes when we arrived, and Mia beamed when she saw us, much to my consternation- I knew how she really felt about seeing us and while it was endearing, it was rather ridiculous to consider us as 'adorable' as I said moments later in response to her smile.

"I can't help it, you look so happy together... it's a fairytale come true!"

"But us- seriously- as adorable? We're hardly a young couple at the start of life!"

"But while you started your journey a bit later..."

"Much later," I interposed wryly, as while Clarisse sat down next to Sheila and I sat opposite them, next to Sebastian, although I had to admit that she was correct in some aspects.

"Nevertheless, you have more wisdom and experience than younger couples would _and _you're just in love as the younger generation!" and while I finally had to chuckle at her words- she was very young, enthusiastic and obviously romantic, Clarisse decided to change the subject, turning to Sebastian and asking how things were in parliament, a diplomatic tact that I was pleased she had employed- but she had always had a gift of diplomacy and tact, something which I didn't possess at all. Of course, as Queen, she would have had to be diplomatic over the years, given some of the people she dealt with; and she often teased me about how 'tactless' I seemed to be at times...

_000_

"_You didn't have to shove Lord Fricker out of the way!" she gently chided me one evening at a ball when I had 'rescued' her from a drunk Lord Fricker, who had been been handling the Queen as if she was someone that should be spun around with no grace and no finesse- simply to make her dizzy. "I had him under control- I was just about to end the dance, anyway."  
_

_"Nevertheless," I said gravely as we continued to move on the dance floor- the only way of preventing some other idiotic, drunken parliamentarian trying to make a move on the Queen in the name of dance was to dance with her myself, not that either of us had an argument with that, as I could feel her relax slightly with her grip on my hand. "I always have to maintain the dignity of the Crown and that man was making you look foolish... not as foolish as himself, I'll admit, but you could have been made to look like a fool."  
_

_"Well, the Queen cannot look foolish, at any costs!" she teased but, gazing into her eyes, I could see that she had be grateful for my intervention. "And I am grateful, Joseph, I truly am- although you could have been a little more diplomatic, rather than say: "May I cut in?" and simply shove the man aside."  
_

_"Well, look where that man is now?" I pointed out and she looked around to see him accepting yet another drink from a hovering waiter._

"_Alright, I see your point... thank you," and she gave me a warm smile._

However, on other earlier occasions, I was even less than diplomatic, inserting myself into situations when the Queen was in danger (or I felt that she was in danger) and while I usually received a look from the Queen afterwards, my boss Anthony usually gave me a dressing down that obviously came from the King and Queen as well as himself... but on one occasion, there was a difference...

"_She is NOT your wife, she IS your QUEEN and BOSS- you do not have the right to intercede into dances or conversations just because you don't like the man she is speaking to!" Anthony, the Head of Security, barked as the two of us stood in the security room after a state dinner when one of the parliamentarians, drunk as usual, had made a move on the Queen, touching her inappropriately, and I, the closest man to the situation and sensing her displeasure, stepped in and shoved him away from her._

_Of course, the Queen had given me an icy look and apologised to the man in question, recommencing their dance while MY other boss had given me another look and I took it to understand that I was to stay in the corner for the rest of the evening, which I did... and then I received a dressing down that I didn't think I deserved, as I argued with Anthony just then._

"_He had his hands all over her... it was inappropriate and disgusting!"  
_

_"Nevertheless, Her Majesty is well used to situations such as these and she would have been able to handle it... By the way, this is your verbal warning...and," he added, raising his hand as I opened my mouth to protest. "Her Majesty would like to see you in her study at nine o'clock tomorrow morning... I'm sure she is going to want to tear her own strip off you..."_

_So, the next morning, I was almost shuffling my feet as I made my way to Her Majesty's suite- her temper, while rarely seen, was almost legendary- she had often made maids cry and I was worried that she was going to do this to me as well, not that I didn't deserve it... although I was still determined to argue the point that she wasn't being protected as she should have been..._

"_Good morning,Your Majesty," I said as soon as I was bidden to enter the room, the door held open by one of the guards, and was standing in front of her desk- she was busy doing paperwork with her personal assistant and I was kept waiting for at least five minutes before she looked up, her blue eyes icy yet distracted._

"_Good morning, Joseph..." before she dismissed her assistant but there was a silence as we waited for the woman to leave. _

_As soon as the door closed, Clarisse... the Queen stood up and moved around her desk to stand in front of me._

"_So...what happened last night was a mistake, was it not?"  
_

_"Yes ma'am," was all I said- I knew that I was right but I didn't want to upset the Queen- she had already been hit on (and it probably wasn't the first or last time) and it was her turn to speak._

"_You shouldn't have pushed Lord Jones away from me so roughly?"  
_

_"No ma'am," although, given the chance, I would have decked him in the face._

"_You DO realise that you have brought embarrassment to the family- and your boss?"  
_

_"Yes ma'am," I replied almost automatically- she was so deadly calm, as usually was when she was building up to a dressing down (I had seen it more than enough times) and I was already bracing myself for that moment._

"_His Majesty wasn't pleased- he actually wanted you fired last night, did you know that?"  
_

_"No ma'am," I kept calm- she was still standing in front of me and, unsure of where I was supposed to look, I continued to look straight ahead, as we were trained to do when getting disciplined by the men downstairs._

"_Joseph, why won't you look at me?"_

"_I was told never to look at their Majesties when they are... discipling us..."  
_

_"Well, that's rather rude... I want you to look at me when I speak to you," and this time, her tone turned stern and I knew that I couldn't disobey. "Joseph. Look at me."  
_

_I finally plucked up the courage (imagine, a grown man afraid of looking at a beautiful woman, a woman who was my boss and had every right to tell me off when I was doing something wrong) to meet her eyes and I was more than a little surprised to discover that her eyes didn't match the stern tone in her voice... in fact, the expression in her eyes was warmer than expected...in fact, there wasn't any icy in her eyes as there usually was when she was discipling someone..._

"_Your Majesty?" I asked, feeling and sounding unsure._

"_Thank you," she said softly, a small smile on her face, confusing me all the more._

"_I'm sorry, I don't understand... Your Majesty?"  
_

_"No one has ever stood up to protect my honour like you did last night... and while I DID have a handle on it... I appreciate that you were there to protect my honour... and while I should give you a speech saying that what you did last night was inappropriate and boorish (as His Majesty would say), I am NOT going to... maybe you went the wrong way about it- and I sense you probably would have wanted to do more, am I right?"  
_

_"Maybe," I mumbled, wanting to look away but her eyes were far too compelling to look away from and I was a little more relieved when she laughed lightly, the laugh sounding girlish and young._

"_You have definite risen in my estimation, Joseph, you are definitely a man to be watched."  
_

_"Ma'am?"  
_

_"I cannot say any more for now, but let's just say that there are people around the palace that appreciate your dedication to your job...thank you," she nodded and walked around the desk to sit back down at her desk, indicating that I was dismissed._

_Just as I was about at the door, I heard her say:  
_

_"Joseph?"  
_

_"Yes, ma'am?" I instantly whirled around._

"_I meant what I said- thank you for what you did."  
_

_"It was my honour," before I bowed and exited the room, almost colliding with her assistant who was returning to continue her work._

_000_

"Hey, Joe? Are you there?" I suddenly heard, Mia's voice breaking into my thoughts and I looked around to see that everyone was watching me.

"I'm sorry, I missed that..."

"Missed it? I've been asking you the same question for the past five minutes and you haven't answered me!" Mia joked as Clarisse frowned at her.

"Mia," she gently chided and Mia looked repentant as I felt a stab of guilt- I was caught daydreaming and Mia was the one in trouble.

"Sorry...I was just saying that Scott is doing a good job as my Head of Security and I wanted to know how you felt."

"I think he's doing a great job," and it was true- he had been initially nervous when first starting out just after the wedding and had called me constantly on Clarisse's private line (not that she had minded, she had reminded me that "someone will always need you besides me...and besides, Scott didn't expect this for years...", which had made me pounce on her and stop her laughter with a VERY long kiss...), but he had stopped almost completely and the few times that I had 'dropped by' to see what was going on, he was very capably handling the team and any questions that they threw his way (although they had all worked together for a long time, alongside me, so they all knew each other quite well) and I knew that he was a success- I had trained him well and he would definitely look after my granddaughter well.

"He is indeed," Sebastian and Nicholas quickly agreed with me.

"Still, he is nothing compared to Joseph," Clarisse said, smiling over the table at me and I couldn't help but smile back, trying not to blush at the compliment. "He learnt well under my Head of Security but I would rather trust my life with Joseph rather than anyone else."

"Even though I'm now retired and a protectee myself?" I teased back, although I did appreciate her words.

"Especially then..." she responded just as teasingly and I braced myself for the inevitable squeal from Mia of 'aren't they cute?' but, instead she looked serious as she nodded at everyone's words.

"He's keen, serious and enthusiastic... and I'm sure he will be a great HOS... but it's too soon for me to know everyone and what they do and I just have to trust that he does his best... by the way, has Lionel gone back to school?" she addressed Sebastian and Clarisse and I exchanged a glance- I was well aware of his short comings as a bodyguard as well as his almost uncontrollable crush on the Queen, but I had to admit that he was a nice boy and would do well if he continued to pursue his leanings in security.

"He is has, but he is hoping that he will be able to come back here for next summer... only if Her Majesty approves," he added hastily- he too had heard the rumours about him and the Queen and I know he was keen to smooth things over.

"I will have to have some time to consider it," Mia began slowly as Clarisse beamed from her side of the table- she was truly sounded like a royal, non committal but not wanting to offend- before continuing: "However, I think that it shouldn't be a problem... I'm sure that my new Head of Security will be happy to help..." and again Clarisse and my eyes met- only, this time, we were chuckling to ourselves...lucky Shades!

0

"You looked very absorbed in your thoughts," Clarisse said afterwards when lunch had finally ended, the Motazes had left and Nicholas and Mia had also disappeared (but, knowing that they were trying to establish their own relationship, I was entirely empathetic to their need for privacy), Clarisse and I moved out into the gardens, our usual routine in the afternoon (not that our life had completely settled into a routine- I was still prone to whisking my beloved off for a weekend or a week away at the beach, the Winter Palace or my own private house, but we were due for a honeymoon and I had to admit that a routine didn't suit us anymore.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing of consequence," I said calmly.

"Joseph... darling..."

"It wasn't anything serious- I was just remembering how tactless I was compared to you over the years... you WERE Queen, after all and I was just a bodyguard..."

"Not JUST a bodyguard," she squeezed my arm and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"...Nevertheless, I was officially known as a bodyguard... but I was just thinking about the times I got into 'trouble' for not being as diplomatic as I could have been... and even you told me off a couple of times!"

"I _chided _you, I didn't tell you off... you WERE a little tactless in some instances, but not in some...as for the time you protected my honour from Lord Jones... the octopus..."

"You can still remember that?" I cried in surprise- I had always naturally assumed that she removed any unpleasantness from her mind once an official function was over.

"Of course I do, sweetheart," she stopped and turned to me, caressing my cheek. "That was the first instance when someone, anyone, would protect my innocence and honour... and when it was you... that made it all the better..."

"Really?" This was something I hadn't heard before...

"Really," she affirmed, smiling sweetly at him. "You had no idea- you were just caught up in the moment of punishing the man who had dared to touch me inappropriately- but when you were so determined to stand up for me, even with your Head of Security, I knew that you were someone I could trust, someone I could depend on... I assume you remember what I told you the day after, that you were a man to be watched?"

"Of course."

"Well...I have a confession to make... when I told you that people were keeping an eye on your in the palace... it was mainly me... yes I had heard about your reputation as a ladies man and your temper and all of that... but there was just something about you that I knew that I could trust you...and I was proved right... and I knew that I wanted YOU as my personal bodyguard... "

"You did?"

"Of course... I wanted to the best and you were the best... but... did you want to be my bodyguard or His Majesty's?" she paused again and I smiled at her- I loved her insecurity, it proved that she was human and the woman that I loved deeply.

"Well..." I began, pretending to stall for a moment but her eyes were glittering so expectantly that I didn't have the heart to tease her any further. "Truth be told, I preferred to look after you... you were so shy, so ladylike, so vulnerable- all of things I deduced, you did not show those qualities to people willingly," I added as she opened her mouth in protest. "But there was something special about you that convinced me that you needed me to look after you... " but before I could say anymore, she had rushed forward to kiss me lovingly on the lips.

"I did, I did... more than I realised... but didn't it bother you that you had been chosen to protect the Queen rather than the King? I'm sure that the King had more adventures than I did..."

"Yes, but I would have rather worked and protected someone who had integrity and dignity- and that was you," I said bluntly and was only surprised when Clarisse shied away from me.

"Oh!'

"It's true- you always had more of those qualities than your first husband- we both know that- but I would have much rather have protected you than Rupert... not that I'm that cruel..."|

"You're not and I was so pleased that you were looking after me...I just never heard your reasoning so upfront and true... and I thank you for it... who would have known if we would be enjoying our happily ever after if you hadn't agreed to the transfer..."

"We would have," I said comfortably, confident in the future and knowing that we WOULD have been together and she obviously agreed as she snuggled up into me (which I LOVE- not only an indicator of her vulnerability but of what she truly was). "We both know that... anyway, I was thinking about a conversation we had had earlier and I would like to ask you another question..."

"What? Ask away..."

"Well...before when we were talking about Rupert and you didn't seem so bothered about the past...are you really over all of that? I mean, he caused you a great deal of pain..."

"I am," Clarisse smiled at me. "Yes, he did hurt me and at the time, I was sure that I would never be happy again...I'm lucky that I didn't believe that," she paused to touch my cheek for a moment. "But now, so many years have passed and I have gained a new perspective- I feel sorry for him and what he spend much of his life chasing after... we were friends and parents and King and Queen but we were never in love- I was fond of him but I didn't love him in the important way that a wife should love her husband and I'm more than certain that while he cared about me, he didn't love me in that way... In fact, I have often thought that he never really loved anyone, not truly, except his boys... not even himself...He may have been seeking intimacy through casual affairs with other women but he never really found someone he could have shared love with...but maybe he didn't really want that."

I had never heard her speak so eloquently and so thoughtfully about Rupert- not that I had truly tried to pry into their marital relationships, I only heard what I heard from Clarisse and I had always been on her side, no matter what- but the way she was speaking now, I too couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Rupert.

"Do you think, if he had had given you the chance, you could have been that one?"

It was a question I didn't like to think about or ask- although nothing had come to pass, she was married to me, but it made me wonder how different our lives would have been if she had actually enjoyed a happy marriage to Rupert.

"I did think that for a long time, particularly when the boys were small- and I didn't want them growing up surrounded by arguments and bad behaviour (although they really weren't aware of what was happening until they were older, Rupert and I made sure of that)...but as the years passed and I had my eyes opened about his personality and behaviour, I knew that it wouldn't and couldn't have been me...we were so different, with different belief systems and ideas... he respected my opinions and contributions- most of the time- but I was only an asset to him and the mother of his heirs."

"What made you move on?"

"**YOU**, my darling Joseph," she moved even closer and squeezed my arm as we continued to stroll around the gardens, neither of us really seeing the gardens, absorbed as we were in our conversation (or I was at least, Clarisse was speaking calmly and with a peaceful expression, until she turned to me with a radiant lookwhen affirming what had made her move on from mulling over her first husband's rejection). "How could I remain bitter towards the man who had caused me so much pain when I had something he didn't... love... the love of a very good man who never treated me badly and has always been there for me, no matter what...I love you, Joseph- I love my sons and Mia in different ways, but you were the one that showed me really how to love..."

"Oh my darling..." was all I could say as I stopped, wrapped my arms around her and crushed her into my chest, not wanting her to see the tears welling in my eyes- she was such a beautiful woman, inside and outside and I only wished that I could tell her how much I loved her as well...

"Joseph..." she pulled away and looked at him worriedly, her expression growing more concerned as she saw the tears in my eyes. "Joseph... did I upset you?"

"No, not at all," I finally managed to choke out, gently caressing her cheek with my hand- her skin always felt so soft and tender under my rough hands, but she seemed to enjoy it, she actually leaned into it. "I... I love you too..."

"I'm glad," she smiled tenderly before her eyes began twinkling mischievously and she took both my hands in hers and began leading me back towards the palace. "I have an idea that will make you feel better..." and I laughed, knowing what she had in mind- she was slowly opening up and I loved seeing every moment...

_000_

_I was a little afraid as I lay beside her early the next morning, the morning after our impromptu wedding, a wedding that neither of us had expected but had enjoyed immensely after we had gotten over the shock of Clarisse openly proposing me in front of the guests (or, rather, I was more shocked than Clarisse, who had received some timely advice from Mia and had decided to follow her heart for once), but my mind wasn't on the wedding- I was wondering what would happen when she woke up... I had been awake for hours, but she had fallen asleep after we had made love for the second time, snuggled right up to me and completely relaxed... how would she react?_

_We had had such a massive celebration the day before, we really hadn't had the chance to discuss the fact that we were married- in fact, we had barely had any time to have a serious intimate discussion, the whole day had been a whirlwind- and how we would both feel about that, and I wasn't quite sure whether she would wake up and remember that we were actually man and wife or accuse me of seducing her and throw me out... although, knowing Clarisse as well as I did, I knew that she would not do that... but there was still a tiny part of me that was worried..._

_The previous day and evening had been the most wonderful of my life- I had hoped that, after my mistaken belief that she didn't want to marry me and had walked out on her, that I would be able to try and beg my way back into her heart (and not entirely sure that it would work) - but then for Clarisse to do what she did...I knew that she would have forgiven me... _

_All that really mattered, as we walked up the aisle together and became husband and wife in front of the Archbishop, the church guests and the country, was that we were together- and we were inseparable for the rest of the day..._

_She stirred beside me as I continued watching her and I froze- I wasn't quite sure what to say or do at that moment...and there was a moment after she opened those beautiful blue eyes that I loved so much and stared blankly at me, that I panicked- what if she didn't accept that we were married and that things were different between us...- before her eyes focused and softened as a wide, radiant smile spread slowly across her face._

"_Joseph, my love..." she breathed as she moved back into my arms- I had gently pulled away when I had woken up, just to ensure that she had room to move and breathe (and allow the arm she had fallen asleep on had pins and needles in it, not that I would begrudge the discomfort for anything)- and snuggled in close. "I didn't dream last night..."  
_

_"You shouldn't have, it DID happen!" I joked jovially, although I too had been feeling the same way as well as being worried that she didn't feel the same as me, that __I shouldn't be here... "I..."  
_

_"I'm so happy that it DID happen," she said softly, nuzzling my neck and I could feel my body responding to her touch- gentle as it was, it was more than enough... she was so sweet and so innocent yet so sexy... "I have a feeling that you were a little concerned about how I would react when I woke up this morning?"  
_

_"I don't know what you're talking about!" I blustered as she leaned up and rested her hand against my lips._

"_I do and you do... you were worried that I wasn't going to remember last night and yesterday... and that I was going to kick you out..."  
_

_"Well, maybe..."I mumbled, looking down and away from her for a moment before I felt her hand gently guide my face back towards her. _

"_Do you think I would do this if I didn't remember?" before she leaned forward, her warm body closer to mine than ever before (before last night) and kissed me, softly and gently at first and then with growing enthusiasm and passion, so much so that we were both breathless when she finally pulled away with a satisfied smile._

"_I... I guess not," I stammered, my heart racing and trying not to push her too hard but feeling an increasing wave of desire for her... she was so lovely and so sexy... I had wanted her for a long time and the desire of wanting to make her mine hadn't dimmed in the slightest, in fact it had increased after yesterday..._

"_So, are you convinced that I DO want you here and that I DO remember that we are husband and wife?" she teased as she ran her hand down my chest and I managed to nod- her fingers and hand were so gentle yet so teasing and I had to wonder whether she knew what she was doing to me, a question that was answered only seconds later when she looked over at me with a sly smile._

"_Good morning, Joseph," she teased with a warm smile._

"_Good morning, Clarisse," I managed to respond and she chuckled._

"_Well, aren't you going to kiss me again?" she joked and that was all I needed to pull her tightly into my arms and kiss her again, and again and again..._

_000_

"Penny for your thoughts?" came the same tease's voice as we strolled back into our suite and I didn't hesitate to lock the door behind me.

"You don't want to know,"I almost growled back at her as I made my way towards her and she slowly backed towards the bedroom.

"Don't I?" she teased, her eyes laughing along with her mouth.

"No, I don't think so... although there is one thing I want to say to you..."

"Oh?" she stopped in her tracks, allowing me to catch up to her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"I love you... just the way you are..." before I swept her off her feet, Clarisse giving a tiny squeal, before we made our way towards the bedroom.


	2. Clarisse

_A/N: WOW! Finally got this chapter up and completed! Thanks to writers block and work, I had trouble finishing this but now that I have a break, I have been able to finish it! I'm also looking forward to doing more!_

_Thanks to all my readers and reviewers_

_The Princess Diaries doesn't belong to me_

I love my husband.

I am proud to be Mrs Joseph Bonnell- I much prefer this title over my former one (although I still will always be known by that title, particularly during official occasions when I'm out in public) and I'm glad that I'm a wife.

I'm also happy to be so desperately in love, an emotion I hadn't truly experienced in my previous marriage and to know that he loves me back just as much.

I never imagined that I would EVER be able to tell Joseph that I loved him or even be able to call him my _**husband (**_and the words still send a thrill through me two months on, when I call him that- introducing him to someone or I hear someone calling him that) but now that it had actually become a reality, the result of a moment of impulsiveness by both Mia and I that had led to a wedding... OUR wedding, joining us as husband and wife, I just couldn't believe it! I'm usually not quite so free with my feelings and emotions- I had been taught a long time ago that feelings are inappropriate in most situations and that I had to keep both firmly under control, even when it made me seem cold and distant... but now I was actually allowed to show my feelings (although not in public, even I knew that I could do that, the lesson had been schooled into me too deeply) and I truthfully did enjoy showing my true feelings to Joseph, Pierre and Mia...

I just couldn't believe that he was THERE, at my side almost all the time (not that he wasn't before, but he was then _behind _me- now, he was at my side), sleeping beside me, kissing, holding and loving me more than I had ever experienced, and our granddaughter (for she was OURS as whatever was mine was his and vice versa) had declared that we were enjoying a well-deserved 'happily ever after' and we agreed with that (not that she knew our history).

I had actually dreamed of this for years but had never actually dared to _hope_\- it didn't seem appropriate, considering I was married to the King of Genovia (and despite his failings as a husband, he had been a good king and everyone had revered him) but still... I had always wanted more, felt that I had deserved more, wanted a man who actually loved me for me- not for my title or my looks but me, Clarisse- but I had given up on that, knowing that Rupert would never see me like that, want me like that... but then... Joseph had come into my life and we realised, very, very quickly, that we shared a connection that was highly unusual and highly intense...

It was an intense attraction, an attraction that I never expected nor experienced and never dreamed that it would start a journey that would be full of ups and downs, heartbreaks and joy as well as despair and acceptance and end very, very, happily... as Mia's _"happily ever after."_

_000_

"_My dear, are you available for a few minutes?" Rupert, King of Genovia and my husband of eleven years, asked as he stepped into my study after breakfast one morning- we usually had breakfast together but this morning he had sent a message via the maids, not that it had bothered me, I was used to it- and it gave me the opportunity to spend some extra quality time with our sons, 9 year old Pierre and 7 year old Phillipe, both of whom were delighted to see me and have breakfast with me, which made my day, although a question from our eldest son gave me pause to consider whether Rupert was the devoted father that he really claimed to be._

"_Why doesn't Papa like having breakfast with us? Doesn't he like us?" Pierre had asked during breakfast and I hastily took a swallow of tea, giving me time to consider my answer, not that there was anything really to consider._

"_He's just very busy, darling- being King of a country is a full time job- but I'm sure he would like to be here as much as possible... and OF COURSE he likes you, he loves you both- you are his sons and he thinks the world of you..." DID he really, I had to wonder, although I knew he was fond of the boys- as boys and sons or as the heir and the spare? "Whenever he has any free spare time, he usually wants to spend it with you... remember when you went fishing at the lake?" and I was relieved that the boys were distracted from the previous question._

_It was Pierre's question that I was mulling over when Rupert stepped into the room and it took a moment before I realised that Rupert was still waiting for my answer._

"_Of course... when exactly did you need me?" and I was taken aback at his immediate reply._

_"Well... actually... now, if that's possible..." but I was thankfully free at that time (it was quite fortunate that I had had an earlier breakfast with the boys and was already at my desk)._

"_Fine... I'm coming...What is this all about?"  
_

_"Actually, it would be easier if you stayed here... you know how we were talking about recruiting some more bodyguards, so that you and the boys had your own, rather than depending on mine all the time...not that they don't mind, "he added hastily, but I wasn't insulted- it was true, we had depended more on his bodyguards when we should have had our own. "You can come in, John!" he called out the door and there was a moment's pause before John came in, followed by a tall young man (well, he couldn't be considered young, he was around my age), clad in black (but most of our bodyguards were dressed like that, to remain unnoticeable and in the shadows), with thinning brown hair, an intense and rigid posture as well as warm brown eyes (not that I could consider them warm, I didn't even know him...but his eyes WERE the colour of warm chocolate) and... did I spy an earring in his ear?!_

"_Clarisse," Rupert broke into my thoughts and I stood up and moved around the desk to stand beside my husband and in front of John and the strange man who was looking at me with no nerves, no visible shaking as one who is just about to meet a royal for the first time- in fact, he was watching me calmly, non-judgementally but I still felt as if he was assessing me, seeing what he could change about me... and I blushed at the thought of that, feeling both insulted and yet vulnerable. _

_"Clarisse, I would like to introduce you to one of the men who will be specifically protecting you and the boys- this is Joseph Bonnell... and Joseph, I would like to introduce you to Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse."  
_

_"I'm very pleased to meet you," I said politely, holding out my hand for him to shake but, to my surprise, he raised it to his lips and brushed his lips against the top of my hand, his eyes always on mine._

"_It is a pleasure to meet you as well- and I'm looking forward to looking after you and your children..." and suddenly my cheeks felt hot again- I was used to men staring at me (actually, most of the time, they were trying to dominate me, or staring openly with lust) but this was different... he was watching me, almost trying to read me, understand me but not making any judgements...it was if he was trying to get to know me...but it was quite a disconcerting feeling, to sense what he was doing... and it was even worse to realise that I pulled my hand away with quite a lot of reluctance, the touch of his lips almost burning a brand onto my hand..._

_000_

"You look pensive, my dear," I suddenly heard Joseph's voice and I looked up from my book, sitting in one of my favourite chairs in our suite- I had been trying to catch up on my reading, something I hadn't had the opportunity to do in months, even years, having always been on the go, my mind full of meetings I had attended, meetings I had to attend, public appearances and paperwork that I had to address, and I had to admit that I appreciated the free time I now had after my retirement two months earlier. "I'm sorry I left you alone for so long and you had to have dinner alone..."

"It's alright, I quite understand," I said and I had- Joseph and I had been inseparable since the wedding- and it was such a joy to be able to be together and not worry about people seeing us together (although, out of habit, we were still cautious) but I hadn't minded the new Head of Security needing some assistance- it was logical that Scott would need some help and Joseph was the one to help him-and I was happy to have some quiet time in our suite, it was very peaceful, yet a little lonely and isolating as, considering Joseph and I had been, according to our granddaughter, 'joined at the hip', I was unused to being alone anymore and I was sure that I didn't want to be alone again.

I honestly didn't know how I had done it in years past, especially when I was married to Rupert- which goes to show that I was evolving beyond the woman I had been in earlier years... or maybe I was reverting back to the young woman I had been, shy but enjoying company... Or maybe it was because I was married to a man who loved me for me, for who I actually was rather than my appearance and I loved him in return just as much.

"Still, I didn't want you to think that I had abandoned you completely... I would have been here sooner but..."

"Joseph, it's fine," I reassured him as he sat down on the sofa opposite my chair and it only took seconds for me to adjust to him (although it really wasn't an adjustment, more of a realisation that he was back), close and set my book down on a side table and join him on the sofa, his arm going around me instantly and I could sense that he had missed being away from me just as I had missed him. It had only been two months but it had been enough time to remove any boundaries between us- we just really enjoyed being together and, after the secrecy and discretion of years past, we deserved our enjoyment and pleasure.

"So, were you thinking of anything serious?"

"It wasn't anything serious... I was just thinking about when we first met... and you were like an x ray, scanning right down to the bone, reading everything about me... I felt so vulnerable- you were the first man who looked at me without any judgement or lust."

"I remember that day... I actually was judging, but it wasn't about you."

"Oh?" I turned to look at him. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking... that you were an extraordinarily beautiful woman..."

"Flatterer," I blushed but appreciating the praise at the same time- Joseph had never let me down, no matter what and I could trust and depend on him more than any other man in my life, aside from my sons, and while the thought terrified me, it also comforted me- it proved that my instincts were always right and that I should always listen to them and my instincts had more than proved themselves over the years, aside from the little 'blip'' (again to quote my granddaughter's modern vernacular) when Joseph and I hadn't spoken for two days... what a fool I had been... Stupid, stupid, stupid... but it had worked itself out...to my relief- I couldn't imagine Joseph not being in my life, not now, not after we had shared so much...

"...Far more beautiful than others had portrayed you; I had come into the job with no judgements at all, I had heard some rumours but had discounted them- I listened to no one but myself but I took one that time... not at you, at Rupert and the way he treated you, the way he had looked at you... yes, even from the first meeting, I knew that he wasn't treating you well and you deserved more than that... but, of course, I couldn't say that... OR I could say that I was attracted to you, not your title or your regal bearing but there was something in your eyes... something that told me that you longed to be seen as Clarisse, a woman, rather than the Queen..."

"I never knew my eyes were that easy to read," I said mock huffily but I wasn't surprised how intuitive Joseph had been- he had always been like that, even from the beginning and it made much more sense seeing that he was my soul mate. "I thought I was an ice Queen and, as such, inscrutable."

"Oh no, believe me, your guard was well up and everyone knew it... but I also sensed that you were lonely and wanted someone, anyone on your side... and from that moment, I knew that I wanted to be that person."

"You were, you never made me feel less than I was..."

"Unlike some other people we know," he growled and we both knew who he was referring to- not only my first husband but some members of parliament, including the former member Viscount Mabrey. "But you were always first and foremost, to me, a woman... Clarisse and that never changed..."

"Which is something I will always be grateful for," I said softly, squeezing his hand and resting my head against his shoulder as his grip tightened on my shoulder. "But... _WHY_ did you feel like that?"

"It's something I've always wondered about but, to be honest, I have no answer... I guess, if you wanted to be romantic, you could say it would a soul connection... but I simply cannot explain it... I just looked at you and knew that I HAD to protect you, no matter what and then I fell in love with you, completely and absolutely and there was nothing I could do, not that I wanted anything to happen... and what about you, my lady?" he added teasingly after a pause. "WHY did you react the way you did?"

"As you said, I cannot explain my reaction... I just knew that you were surprisingly non-judgemental and I sensed that I could trust you with my heart and soul... and my intuition didn't do me wrong,"

"How fortunate for both of us," he teased before leaning over and pressing his lips down on mine, a movement that I loved because it usually became more than that- we usually ended up in the bedroom- and I couldn't fight it, even if I wanted to, which I didn't...after waiting so long to be with him, I didn't want to waste another moment and I knew that he felt the same way.

Joseph could make my body sing with a mere touch or caress- he was incredibly gentle (something I had always suspected, despite his tough exterior) and patient, no matter my fears and I loved that quality in him, even more so since during the first few years of our courtship when he kissed me and my body betrayed me- I wanted it, consciously and unconsciously I knew that, but I had been afraid, afraid of being hurt and abandoned...but now... I embraced it- I knew that he wouldn't leave me, wouldn't betray me and I could trust my heart with him...

"I love you, Joseph," I murmured almost self-consciously as I felt his hands beyond my blouse, touching parts of my body I never expected anyone to caress again... and they were indeed caresses, almost reverentially touching me, as if he couldn't believe that he was able to touch me, as he had admitted earlier in our married life...

"_I can't believe that I'm finally able to touch you like this... I had dreamed of it happening so long, but I hadn't really dared to hope...but now..." he looked at me with tears in his eyes- a rarity for him as he never cried, although I had spied a few tears during our first dance as man and wife- and I couldn't help but pull him close to me._

"_It had to be you... only you," I murmured softly into his ear, well aware that I was quoting a song but it was true... it had to be him who was the one to hold me and touch me, protect me like a man... like a husband... "I'm just glad it's you..."_

"I love you too, my darling... my beautiful, sweet Clarisse,'' he murmured before he stood up and then confidently scooped me into his arms, still kissing me.

"Joseph... darling..." I said softly- while I felt safe in his arms, I was also worried about his knees- I didn't want him to hurt himself, he was too important before my thoughts were muddled again as he kissed me again passionately.

"I'm fine... I love you..." he reassured me, his eyes on mine and again the power of his expression was enough to reassure me, before he gently deposited me on the bed- even in the throes of passion, he was always such a gentleman, even when I teased him, even when we had been very intense... even then, he was always patient and a gentleman- and I loved him more for it...before, to my amusement, he proceeded to almost tear his clothes off (it was almost tearing but I knew that he wouldn't actually do it) before moving over me with an amorous look in his eye and I chuckled.

"What's so funny?" he growled as he kissed my lips lightly but tenderly, his hands driving me crazy and I found that I was actually wriggling out of my outfit (simple slacks and a blouse) in desperation, just to prevent his hands from driving me close to the edge, but it was almost too late... and the desperation I felt didn't mortify me but rather intensified my desire and need for the man hovering over me, depositing light kisses where he could, teasing me...

I never thought that I would be able to experience this type of passion (I had read my romance novels, a kind of surrogate for the romance I would never receive from my husband- although he was kind and fond of me) but now that I had... nothing would stop me from enjoying every moment. "Well?" he asked and I realised that he was waiting for my response.

"Nothing... I just love how you are when we're alone...and I love that I can be the same way with you."

"I had always dreamed of that," he said gently, pausing for a moment. "I always thought you were a passionate woman and... the past few months have proved me right!"

"Only because you were the man that needed to unveil that side of me," I teased, running a hand down his bare chest, eliciting another growl from him before I pulled him close, suddenly tired of the teasing and... then the rest of the world seemed not to matter...

000

"_Have you ever been in love? When did you know that you were in love with my grandfather?" Mia's question startled me and I couldn't help but show that as I looked up from my paperwork at the sound of her words- the girl was just nineteen, it was the summer after her first year and, as per usual, she was spending two months in Genovia, trying to learn her role and develop an understanding of her future role- Queen of Genovia, for I knew that it was inevitable that the members of parliament would soon demand me to step aside for Mia, a 'true royal Renaldi," I had heard someone say one day, and while it hurt a great deal that they were so keen to get rid of me, I also knew that it was also time for a fresh face and a fresh perspective- although Mia was not yet ready, I knew that._

_I was still absorbed in my ruminations about my future plans before I realised that Mia had repeated her question._

"_I'm sorry, I missed that," I said weakly- I hated being caught off guard, but lately….._

"_I was just wondering…. When did you know that you were in love with my grandfather?"_

_WHAT a question! It was not only impertinent and rude, but it also drew light on the fact that I hadn't really been in love with her grandfather, not even when we were married….. _

_It was only in recent times that I had discovered love and my capacity to love (or, to be correct, to experience passionate love, I had always loved my sons) and the man who had helped me make that discovery was NOT my husband but my Head of Security, my lead bodyguard, a man that most people would consider way below me on the social scale (not that I had ever thought like that) but, to me, was a very important man. _

_But how could I explain that to Mia, not that I really had to….but before I could say anything, or even recover enough to consider what I was going to say, Mia hastily added:  
_

_"I'm sorry, Grandma, I shouldn't have asked that… It was rude and impetuous- and I usually don't think about what I say before I say it…."  
_

_"It's alright," I smiled at her, mollified by her words but I also couldn't blame her curiosity- it was a quality I had loved in her father and it was clear that she had inherited from him. "I was just thinking….. I can't honestly say that I was ever in love with your grandfather- don't get me wrong, I was very fond of him and he was the same about me- but an arranged marriage is hardly a positive way of inducing love….and it never really happened….. but I accepted that."  
_

_"That's awfully sad… so you've actually never been in love?" Mia looked sympathetic and I only gave her an enigmatic smile, not willing to give her anything else… well, not at the moment….._

"_I didn't say that..." I teased and she laughed._

"_And you aren't going to say anymore, are you?"  
_

_"Not now…maybe one day…"_

_00000_

''You're quiet," Joseph suddenly broke into my thoughts with his voice- and his touch, running his hand up and down my back- and I chuckled as I sat up, pulling a sheet with me. It was well after midnight and, back when I was still Queen, I had usually been asleep by then, but the past couple of months had gotten me used to staying up later….

Even if we weren't making love, we were talking, it seemed as if we still had so much to talk about, even though we knew each other inside out and had known each other for so long, it still surprised me that we could still fall asleep still talking, like children. "I hope it wasn't too serious."

"No, I was just thinking about when Mia asked me whether I had ever been in love…. Or had been in love with Rupert."

"What did you tell her?"

"I said that I had always been fond of Rupert but I hadn't really been in love with him….and she had assumed that I had never been in love…."

"What did you say to that?" he asked, although we both knew that when Mia had asked that question, I HAD been in love….

"I just evaded the question, hoping that she wouldn't pursue it."

"I thought you would do that…. But you DO know that she would have probably worked it out by now that you had been in love with me, at the time…." he teased, running a hand through my hair and I laughed.

"Obviously…. I had just wanted to keep her off the trail for a few more years…."

"And then you certainly blew the lid off our secret on our wedding day!" he laughed and I joined in as he slowly pulled me back down under the covers with him. "I wonder what you would have done if she had found out earlier than that?"

"I'm not sure…..I was just trying to keep two steps ahead of parliament….. But it wouldn't have been such a big surprise- I mean, Pierre and Phillipe suspected us long before then!"

"Yes, well those two were more intuitive than we gave them credit for,"" he chuckled and I smiled vaguely, still remembering when Phillipe had confronted me about it…

_00000_

_Joseph and I were in the middle of our usual weekly security meeting- Rupert and I had long since agreed that we would have our own security teams and respective meetings with our main bodyguard, which made sense, considering that we had our own agendas and were only rarely together in public._

_I had to admit that I was a little shy at first when Joseph and I had our first meeting together, just the two of us- yes, we were getting to know each other and had almost daily walks around the garden, but I had never been actively involved in planning for my own security and safety and the issues associated with them (Rupert usually had that under control) but since we had split our respective teams up, it made sense but I was still a little unsure…_

_But Joseph, to his credit, was always respectful and explained things that I didn't understand in a way so that I did- and most of the time we agreed on everything (and when we didn't…well, we were both so stubborn, it was inevitable that we had our fights, intensified by the fact that our relationship was moving from strictly professional to something more and, much to my disgust, Joseph was usually right on the issues that I disagreed on. It also helped that he never made me feel silly for my mistakes- although it was infuriating that it he was right and so patient._

_Thankfully, this meeting was easy and we had just finished when there was a knock on the door and in bounced Phillipe- even at 24, he still 'bounced' around, although it was an athletic bounce and I loved it because it showed, despite the disappointments that he had endured only a few years earlier, that he still had enthusiasm and joy for life._

"_Good morning Maman and Joseph… Joe…. Am I interrupting anything?"  
_

_"No, we just finished," I closed my folders and sat back in my chair- moments with my youngest son were the highlight of my day, considering my first born had abdicated only months earlier and was now studying away from Genovia. "Was there anything else, Joseph?"  
_

_"No, I think we've covered everything…. How are you today, Phillipe?" Joseph asked as he replaced all his paperwork in his folders and stood up._

"_Not bad….I'm just about to go out and play basketball with Sebastian Motaz and a few other guys… did you want to join us?"  
_

_"I would love to, but unfortunately, I still have a mountain of paperwork on my desk."  
_

_"You could take a break for an hour or so…." Phillipe hinted with a broad grin._

"_Phillipe," I said warningly but he only smiled winningly at me._

"_What, Maman?"  
_

_"You know what….."  
_

_"I appreciate the invitation, Your Highness…."  
_

_"Joe, you know I don't like hearing that title…."_

"_Alright, Phillipe….I appreciate the invitation….maybe I can take a rain check?"  
_

_"Done deal," he grinned before turning back to me and Joseph discreetly left the room, giving me a warm smile as he did so- he really did enjoy playing basketball with Phillipe and some of his friends and he would have gone if he hadn't had so much work to do._

"_So, have you seen your father?"  
_

_"Already gone to parliament, said he may be back for dinner tonight…. And I will be as well… what are you doing for the rest of the day?"  
_

_"Paperwork and more paperwork…."  
_

_"That doesn't sound like fun…. Are you at least going to go for a walk in the garden later, with Joe?"_

"_Probably," before I noted that his expression looked coy. "What are you thinking about, P?"_

"_Nothing…" but I knew that I wouldn't have to wait long for him to tell me what he was thinking and I was right._

"_Are you and Joe friends?"  
_

_"Of course," I said almost automatically before I realised what I said. "I know that we shouldn't be friends with our bodyguards…."  
_

_"I'm not saying anything of the sort…. I'm friends with mine- it's normal that when you spend so much time with your bodyguards that a friendship would develop between you and him…. I mean, me and my guys play basketball together all the time."  
_

_"Still, a lot of people may see it as inappropriate…"  
_

_"Who cares what they think?! Anyway, so are you and Joe good friends?"  
_

_"I suppose so…."  
_

_"Do you trust him?"  
_

_"My life is in his hands when I'm out in public, so I suppose I must trust him," I said calmly, suddenly wondering where this was going._

"_Has Joe been here a long time?"  
_

_"About ten, fifteen years, I'm not sure. Phillipe, what is with all these questions about him?"  
_

_"I was just wondering…. Does he realise how you feel about him?"_

_For a moment, I was stunned and the words hung in the air between us for a few seconds but then I felt my face flush hotly as the full meaning of the question sank in._

"_EXCUSE ME?!" I managed to sputter out and he looked at me seriously._

"_DOES he know how you feel about him?" he repeated- and the questions sounded worse the second time around._

"_Phillipe…. I don't know…. I don't know what you are talking about!" I stammered, my face feeling hotter than ever and I was hoping that my discomfort wasn't too obvious. How could he possibly be thinking about something like that… it was absolutely untrue!_

"_Maman," he looked at me pityingly. "It's obvious."_

"_I hope not….. but there's nothing there!" I bluffed desperately- how could he sense that I had deep, inappropriate feelings for my bodyguard? I had realised it only months earlier and I was trying to hide it- I was a MARRIED woman, for heaven's sake, and Queen- I could not have feelings for someone other than my husband! _

_For better or worse, I was married to Rupert for the rest of my life and I couldn't even DARE dream of a life different from that. Maybe I had to stop the friendship in it's tracks before it created even more complications…and if my son could sense my feelings, it wouldn't be too long until everyone else figured it out, and there would be a scandal of unspeakable proportions…forget Rupert's indiscretions, this would be so much worse!_

"_Maman," he startled me by putting his hand over mine. "It's okay, I'm not judging you at all."  
_

_"It's NOT okay and I don't know what you're talking about," I snapped, trying to pull away from him but he kept my hand firmly in his._

"_You do know what I'm talking about and I know that I'm not imagining it…and it IS okay."  
_

_"It's not," I protested weakly but I knew that I couldn't lie to my son. "But it's awful that you suspect…and that I'm a terrible wife and mother."  
_

_"You are not, Maman," Phillipe said firmly, a scowl clouding his features. "Father may be a great king and the country is definitely prospering, but both Pierre and I have known that he hasn't been a great husband or father…and I wouldn't blame you if you did look…."  
_

_"That's not the point!" I hissed at him, disgusted at myself for allowing him to discover my secret and that I had started to make it so obvious. "There is nothing to be accomplished from…whatever I'm feeling… I married your father and I will remain married to him for the rest of my life."  
_

_"It doesn't mean that you can't find a little happiness whenever possible… and I think that you should enjoy that happiness with Joe."  
_

_"I can't…. and what if he doesn't share the same feelings….?"  
_

_"Believe me, Maman, anyone would be blind not to notice the way he looks at you….not that anyone is really aware of it, but I have been watching you and him together and you definitely have a connection…"  
_

_"Nothing can come of it," I was feeling so ashamed- I took my marriage vows seriously and I was showing my son that I didn't._

"_Maybe not now, but maybe one day…. You have to have hope and dreams," he said gently, giving my hand a squeeze as he stood up. "All that matters to me is that you're happy," he added, leaning over and kissing me lightly on the cheek._

"_Strange, I was going to say the same thing to you," I smiled up at him._

"_Well, maybe one day we will be."_

_0000000_

Yes, that hope had come true….I smiled to myself as I listened to Joseph's even breathing beside me, he had obviously fallen asleep before me, a highly unusual occurrence and I couldn't help but chuckle to myself before I reflected again on the past…..

Yes, there had been pain and anguish in the years to come- most especially the loss of my beloved Phillipe in an accident several years earlier- but things had also improved and there had been joy and happiness as well, with the return of Mia and Pierre to my life, as well as my marriage to Joseph….

Things had turned out right in the end….

000

I never thought I would enjoy spending all of my time almost solely with one person- Joseph- although it did make sense, considering that while we were still Queen and HOS, we spent much of our time together professionally, with Joseph giving me space and privacy alone when I needed it, something which I greatly appreciated.

I had always been naturally shy and reserved, less inclined to socialise with other young girls (although I DID have a small circle of friends that remained loyal tome over the years), although it didn't help to have been isolated as a child, being an only daughter who was sent to boarding school and then finishing school (the latter had occurred after my 'agreement'- that is, the agreement between the Renaldi family and my own- that I would become the betrothed of the Crown Prince of Genovia, 12 years my senior), only coming back on holidays; and that instinct only grew stronger once I had married the Crown Prince (Rupert), had borne him two sons (the heir and the spare) by my 23rd birthday and had then discovered that a) no one truly appreciated me (the way the men treated me when we were dancing); b) that I was less than intelligent, according to them (although I knew the truth) and c) I needed to be 'protected' (aka 'kept away from') from the fact that my husband (who was then King of Genovia) was already unfaithful and interested in women that were NOT like me, not in any way, shape or form. Is it any wonder than I began to retreat from the world, want to avoid others that had the potential to hurt me (or inform the King about me)…. I couldn't dare to wonder about that, or even seriously care about it… until Joseph arrived on the scene…..

"_Your Majesty?" the soft, gentle and yet shy words broke me out of my reverie- and the tears I had recently shed over the recent infidelity that my husband had inflicted on the royal family (and I sincerely didn't understand why he had to be caught- yes, I understood that I was hardly the most exciting woman that he had ever met, I didn't have much experience but I was the mother of his children and the woman he had crowned Queen, rather than Queen Consort, beside him) but after a few gentle inquiries (thanks to the press) I knew that I had to stand by His Majesty, no matter what- no matter how much pain I was suffering, or that our boys were neglected by their father or the fact that rest of the country knew what was going on…. I HAD to keep going for the sake of the country._

"_Yes?" I finally looked up from my paperwork- I had barely reviewed what I had to, knowing what I knew now, but the warm and gentle brown eyes that met mine seemed to make me relax, not worry about what was going on… that I should focus on what I was doing…. _

_His name was Joseph, I could remember that…. he was one of the few initiates that I felt comfortable with… yes, I sensed that he would probably be someone who would stand up for what he believed in and would protect his job, no matter what, but I also knew that he would protect ME and that I could trust him…. And that's what mattered to me at that time…._

"_His Majesty is unavailable to accompany you to your meeting tonight and the crown princes are unavailable… but he has insisted that you keep the appointment….and I was instructed to inform you that I, James, Elliot and Alexander will be accompanying you…. If that's alright…."_

He was so nervous, so young (well, he is actually two years older than me but he seemed younger, at least when he first started) when he recited the message he had obviously received from Rupert and our Head of Security (I had requested, at that time, to have my own security team, but when I made the request, it was ignored and I gave up even considering ideas like that, after all I was only the wife) so I wanted to make him feel relaxed.

"Thank you Joseph- that will be perfectly fine. I'll let you know when I'm ready to go."

"I'll be just outside the door," he bowed politely before he quietly left the room and I knew that I could definitely trust him and then, before too long, we were friends…and now, many, many years later, we were married and I was more than happy to spend all of my time with him. It was funny how life could be…..

0

While we did spend much of our time together (and it was our wish that we were inseparable) and looking forward to enjoying our retirement (we hadn't made any plans as such, although we were thinking about travelling a little bit), it was inevitable that we had others who depended on us and our skills- Mia and Scott for example.

"It's about time that he learned to stand on his own two feet!" Joseph half growled to himself one day when Scott had needed his help running a training seminar, but while I knew he was growling a little bit, I also knew that he still wanted to support his men, even when he, to quote him. "found it hard to tear myself away from you," something I found endearing.

"He is… and I think he's doing a great job… But I think that he just needs some verbal positive support from you."

"Nonsense…. He's never asked that from me."

"Maybe not when you were still in the job, and training him, but now that he's on his own two feet…."

"How can you be so wise?" he asked as he brushed his lips in my hair as he walked past- of course he would go and help Scott, despite his growls and complaints.

"Probably because I know what a soft hearted man you are….."

"Hey!"

"….It's true…. And that you never ceased to provide support and positive reinforcement for both Mia and I….."

"I never did with you…."

"You did, and we both know it…." I trailed off as Joseph only grunted, kissed me lightly again on the top of my head and left the room, leaving me to stare blankly at the book I had been reading,

Joseph could and did deny that he provided a lot of emotional support to both Mia and myself (and even the boys at different stages of their lives) but we all knew that it was true, and he had done so much for me, more than he would ever know, not only from the gentle hand in the small of my back, guiding me from one event to another; or the way he listened to me and didn't pass judgement; or the way I could always sense his presence behind me and know that he was there for me no matter what; or his silent, warm looks when I felt a little down (particularly when dealing with parliament or Rupert) or, even most importantly, when Phillipe was killed in 'the accident' (even now, I couldn't even bare to think of what had happened)…..

_00000_

_It had been a busy day, one of the busiest days I had had recently- with Rupert passing away and Pierre having long since abdicated and studying in Rome, Phillipe and I had had to split up duties between the two of us and I was relieved that Phillipe was willing to shoulder half the burden._

"_Of course I'm willing to shoulder half the responsibilities- I AM the Crown Prince and I'm in training to take over from you!"  
_

_"I would hardly say that you were in 'training to take over from me', but I do appreciate your help."  
_

_On that unusually warm day in April, he had spent the day in Pyrus, overseeing negotiations with the agricultural sector and the tourism sector, as well as taking a quick trip to the Winter Palace to ensure that the recent renovations on some of the rooms were still underway, before he had to attend a dinner back in Mertz, as patron of one of his father's charities; while I stayed at the palace, behind my desk and in parliament- I didn't even have time to have my usual stroll around the garden with Joseph, something I missed and was slowly discovering it was becoming a habit….I had always loved walking around the gardens, there was something that relaxed me and allowed me to forget, if only briefly, the mountain of paperwork that was usually waiting for me on my desk, but since Joseph had I had become friends, and had gotten closer over the years, I found that I wasn't only just looking forward to seeing my beloved flowers in bloom but also the company….._

"_Have you had something to eat?" Joseph asked after we had had our usual security meeting- a tight squeeze considering I had a dinner that evening with some members of parliament- and I nodded._

"_At my desk," I shrugged- it was no big deal, I had done it many times of the years- but I could see that Joseph wasn't too impressed. "You know that I there wasn't anything I could do about it and I hadn't been really hungry," I added in a low voice, not wanting to argue with him but knowing that it wouldn't do any good, not that he could say anything without drawing Charlotte's attention. "Hopefully I will be available later to go for my usual walk."  
_

_"Alright…" he said slowly- I could see that I hadn't convinced him but there was nothing he could say. "See you later then."  
_

_Unfortunately, we didn't have a chance to do even that as I received a last minute phone call from the press secretary and then I had to go upstairs straightaway, get dressed and then be escorted back downstairs by Joseph for a dinner in the formal dining room._

_It was very late when the dinner ended- and I had noticed that Phillipe hadn't yet returned, not that it worried me, his bodyguard usually drove him around and he did deserve some time to relax, he had had to grow up so much in the last couple of years….I would see him in the morning._

_Oddly, Joseph wasn't there to accompany me back upstairs- it was his second in charge instead- but when we had just reached my suite door, I heard his voice from behind me._

"_Your Majesty, we need to talk."  
_

_"Of course," I turned to him with a smile and was surprised at the grim expression on his face. "Is something wrong?"  
_

_"Just come inside," was all he said, taking my arm, dismissing Scott with a curt nod and walking into the room, still holding my arm as he turned to close the door._

"_Joseph?" I suddenly felt a little apprehensive- he was so serious and so grim (not that he usually wasn't serious, but this was different…this seemed bad, really dreadful…) "Are you alright? Is there something wrong with ….Pierre….Phillipe?"  
_

_My heart stopped for a moment when, as he helped me sit down, Joseph's face froze and I suddenly realised that this was serious…. There was something wrong with a member of my family, namely either of my sons…._

"_Clarisse…." Joseph began in a gruff voice as he sat down beside me and held my hand tightly in his own. "My darling..." he added, and at the tone of his voice as well as the term of endearment he had spoken, something we had agreed not to say as much until we were more confident of our relationship and the future of our relationship. "My darling…." Joseph repeated and I definitely knew then that life wasn't going to be the same again…..  
_

_After that, my memory turned black, I couldn't remember what happened after the fact that Joseph told me that my youngest son was dead, and mercifully I think it was good… not good but….. I knew that Joseph was really, truly there for me, there to protect and insulate me from the hard times of life (not that I could truly be protected from everything in life) but that he cared….and all I could really remember from that night was that he held me…. Held me close to him, allowed me to sob into his chest and he didn't go anywhere….._

_00000000_

"Hello Grandmamma!" came my only granddaughter's (and only grandchild) voice, breaking into my thoughts and I looked up from my book (and no, I had not read a page since Joseph had left earlier) to watch my 21 year old granddaughter, who was now Queen of a COUNTRY, skip into the room and collapse elegantly into the sofa nearest my chair.

"Since when did you call me Grandmamma?" I gently teased and she laughed.

"I just thought I would try to sound more aristocratic," Mia said lightly.

"You don't need to sound aristocratic, you just need to sound like you," I said reassuringly and she smiled.

"I'm glad that I have your blessing in that regard…."

"It doesn't mean that you can lax back into your other bad habits," I chided gently and she widened her eyes at me, clearly not taking me seriously.

"What bad habits do I have, oh grandmother of mine?"

"Stop that! I didn't mean that you have bad habits…. But you tend to get…."

"Okay, I don't need to hear any more," she added hastily and I laughed. "I suppose if you described my bad habits, I could always say the same about you."

"Well, we'll change that subject…. What can I do for you?"

"I just dropped in to say hello…. Where is your partner in crime?"

"Excuse me?" Mia had somehow come up with the game of describing Joseph and I as different adjectives, some fine but others were….not quite so fine and this one… I would put it in the latter category.

"You know who I'm referring to…."

"I know and I still don't understand why you have to do that."

"Because it's funny and I like it…. Why, does it bother you?" she looked momentarily worried and I had to chuckled.

"Not really…. I actually find it rather amusing to see what you come up with at times….Anyway, he's with Scott at the moment….so, you just dropped in to say hello? Where's Nicholas?"

"He had a rugby game with some of the men he met at the university, but he'll be calling in later….."

"How is it going between the two of you?" I asked curiously- I usually didn't like to pry into other people's business (I had hated it when people had done it to me) but I was curious about Mia and Nicholas, considering that their relationship hadn't begun in the happiest of circumstances and I definitely wanted my granddaughter to be happy.

"We're just taking it slowly, as you wanted us to, and it's amazing how well we get along…. Yes, we argue and he's as stubborn as I am, but still…. I really, really like him."

"That sounds good."

"He's such a flirt, too….although I really shouldn't tell you that….."

"Nonsense, I don't mind hearing it….."

"Did you and Joseph flirt with each other before your relationship became serious?" she asked with a cheeky smile and I regretted even asking her about Nicholas- I knew that it would give her the encouragement to ask me about my relationship. Still, on the other hand, it was only an innocent question…. I only hoped that it wouldn't -open Pandora's Box….

"Yes, we did flirt with each other, mainly unconsciously from the beginning but then, it began changing, both of us realising and then knowing that things between us was different to what we had expected….."

_00000_

_The first time I realised that I was flirting with Joseph- and unconsciously, I had to tell myself, but it really wasn't- was when I asked for his opinion about one of my ball gowns for one of the balls we were holding at the palace. He had been relatively new to the palace, and usually didn't have much to do with me, but he was the one who was going to be two steps behind me that night and I suddenly resented it, although I also knew that it wasn't his fault, he was only doing his job. _

_It wasn't very mature of me, but I wanted to have a little fun with him- my husband had long since not appreciated what I wore, just giving me a perfunctory 'very nice, dear'- and there was a small side of me that wanted to see how another man would react to me…._

_However, when I saw the expression in Joseph's eyes, and the way he almost stammered out his response, I felt bad but I also felt gratified that someone appreciated the way I looked...but I also knew that I had been inappropriate…_

"_Thank you, Joseph," was all I could say but Joseph didn't seem to know that I had been trying to be a little flirtatious with a man who wasn't my husband…._

_0_

"_Good morning, Your Majesty," I looked up from my desk to see Joseph striding across the room._

"_Good morning, Joseph- what can I do for you this morning?"  
_

_"I just wanted to say good morning to you, is that alright?" he grinned winningly at me and I realised that he was flirting with me. Yes, we had become closer over the years, our professional relationship spilling over into friendship but neither of us had thought about what would happen next, I was still married to the King (who was beloved to the whole country, none of them knowing the truth as I did) and a Queen. It seemed as if we were going to only be friends, but that was alright with me, I couldn't think about the other feelings I was seemingly developing towards him, but now, at this moment, I couldn't help but think that he was flirting with me._

"_Of course it's alright to say good morning to me, I just didn't expect you to come in, I thought you would be extra busy today, with the Independence Day parade tomorrow. But I do appreciate the thought…"I smiled at him- and I truly did appreciate the good morning greeting- but I hoped that he wouldn't attract attention to us, although thankfully we were alone- Charlotte had just left the room and I didn't know where Rupert was._

_Therefore, I felt comfortable enough to stand up, walk around my desk and stand in front of him, reaching out and gently, timidly touching his cheek._

"_Thank you," I said softly. "I appreciate the greeting, truly."  
_

_"It was my pleasure," he took my hand and lightly pressed his lips on the top of it, his eyes never leaving mine and I could feel a chill run down my spine….. or was it a thrill? Just the way he was looking at me made me feel…..happy….._

_0_

"_You look lovely tonight, my dear, " Rupert said in a strangely appreciative tone as I stood next to him in front of the closed ballroom doors, waiting for our entrance, as usual. "You truly look like a Queen…."  
_

_"Thank you, Rupert," was all I said- I was uncomfortably aware of Joseph's gaze on me and how it had been trained on me ever since he had met me outside my suite doors only a few minutes earlier. I wasn't quite sure of what I had done, but the intensity of his gaze, the fierce way he had grabbed my hand and then… the way he had kissed the top of my hand (tenderly yet fiercely, it was strange, I had never experienced that before with him) and I wasn't quite sure what mood he was in or what he was feeling…. _

_But I had the feeling that our flirtation was about to move up another level (not that I hadn't wanted that for years) and I wasn't quite sure that I was ready to deal with that and him… he was a serious man and I knew that while he was a natural flirt, he was also someone, when he embarked on a relationship and he felt truly serious about them, the woman in question who had to face the consequences and wonder what they wanted….and I wasn't quite sure that I wanted him to focus on me…and I was also feeling guilty that it was me that was depriving him of a private life of his own._

_So, for much of the evening, I chose to avoid looking at Joseph- even distantly- as I spent much of the evening on the dance floor (as I usually did, being Queen I had to be the best hostess as possible, otherwise people would have the right to complain)- but I could still feel him watching me most of the evening (it was his job, I reminded myself, he HAD to watch me) but I could still sense his growing annoyance as the evening wore on and it was only when I stepped out onto the balcony for some air (Rupert didn't notice and the other guests were mainly too drunk or too involved in their talk) that I knew he was going to say something- and sure enough…..as soon as we were down the stairs, out of sight of the camera and the windows, he stopped me near some rose bushes._

"_What's wrong?" he asked in a low voice, moving so close to me that I felt slightly uncomfortable yet I still felt the thrill of having him so close to me…._

"_Nothing's wrong," I murmured- my back was to him, so he was whispering in my ear- as I gazed at the stars._

"_I don't believe you."  
_

_"It doesn't matter whether you believe me or not, there's nothing wrong," I said lightly before I felt him spin me around and I had no choice but to look into his eyes._

"_Clarisse…" he began in a low growl, I could see the annoyance in his eyes. "Don't lie to me…. What's wrong? I have been feeling something all evening…. Especially when you were avoiding even meeting my eyes at all, even just to give me a signal…"  
_

_We had developed a set of signals that we used during dances, when members of parliament bored me or were hitting on me- and when I gave him one of my signals (usually an eye roll or a small smile) he usually came to my rescue, and while tonight was again one of those nights that I could stand some of the men I had danced with, I didn't make any signals to Joseph, and I realised that that probably could have alarmed him as well._

"_I just didn't feel like it tonight…. I was fine dancing with those men…"  
_

_"Sure," was all he said and I knew that he didn't believe me. "So, are you going to tell me the truth or am I going to have to stand here and wait until you tell me?" and I knew that he would- and that I wouldn't be going anywhere until I told him._

"_I… I'm just a little afraid…."  
_

_"Afraid? Afraid of what? Of me?" he looked at me neutrally but I could see concern and hurt in his eyes._

"_No, no- not of you…. Of this, of us," I waved between us. "I'm just afraid…. That this flirtation between the two of us….it may be getting far more serious than either of us expected….and I'm not sure it's…what I want…or what I can give you- and…. That you should move on to find someone else….."  
_

_There was a long silence as he regarded me calmly, his expression still decidedly neutral but the flame in his eyes was dying down a little…. or was it, as he made a sudden movement, capturing my face between both his hands._

"_Do you really think this is just a flirtation between us?" he whispered and I longed to nod- I should nod, I was still a married woman- but I couldn't, I could feel my head shaking from side to side._

"_No."  
_

_"It is definitely NOT for me and I'm just as certain that it is not for you either."  
_

_"I'm a married woman…. A QUEEN, for heaven's sake!"  
_

_"I know that, and I know how dangerous this could be for both of us, but…. I can't let you go."  
_

_"I…. " I was stunned by his confession, but I knew that I too couldn't let him go…our flirting had been innocent and harmless at the beginning- just two people getting to know each other- but now it was different, we knew it was different."  
_

_"I…. I can't give you much…."I protested weakly._

"_I know, but what you have given me…. It's what I want…"  
_

_"But I could still be married….you deserve a life of your own."  
_

_"My life is here, I'm holding it between my hands… yes, I could have a life of my own, but I don't want it, I only want to see you…."  
_

_"But…."_

"_If you say but one more time…" he threatened but I could hear the smile in his voice before he leaned over and lightly touched his lips to my forehead. "Do you want me to stop flirting with you?"  
_

_"No…."it was only one word but it was strong and clear. "Do you?"  
_

_"No….I'm actually enjoying it, and I assume that you are too…."  
_

_"I suppose…." I teased and he laughed as he pulled me completely into his arms and I buried my face into his chest._

"_Tease…and you were just accusing me of flirting…."_

_0000000_

"So you guys were flirting long before you actually got together?" Mia looked at me wide eyed and I suddenly wondered whether I should have even told her that- it might make a difference in how she viewed me.

"Yes… but I want to make clear that I was committed to my wedding vows and my marriage…. What Joseph and I had….we couldn't explore it at that time…."

"So, Joe was willing to sacrifice his own happiness just for you?"

"Yes…. I tried to convince him several other times, but…." I shrugged- indeed, I had done it many times over the years but he was adamant that he only wanted me and he even got angry on more than one occasion, accusing me of not trusting his judgement.

"_I just want you to be happy…." I said softly and he tilted my chin up so that he was looking directly into his eyes._

"_I am happy…I am and I always will be, no matter what."_

"How romantic," Mia sighed and even I had to sigh- it was true, Joseph was a true romantic. "I never imagined that Joseph would be so romantic…."

"He was and is…."

But before I could say anymore, Mia glanced at her watch and gave a squeal, leaping to her feet.

"I have to go, I'm going to be late… see you later!" and I couldn't help but chuckle as she dashed out of the room, colliding with Joseph on the way- she would never change in that way and I didn't want to .

"Hey, someone's in a hurry!" he mock complained, rubbing his shoulder as he made his way over to where I was sitting and sat down next to me. "What was all that about?"

"Mia realised she was late for something…..as always, she reminds me of Phillipe."

"Oh yes, he was usually in a hurry….." he laughed. "So, what did she want?"

"Just wanted to call in to say hello…. How was everything downstairs?"

"Just fine he had everything under control, I don't know I was down there for, I was practically useless."

"Still, you have to appreciate the fact that he still wants to consult with you on occasion," I said as I kicked off my shoes and curled up on the sofa, leaning back onto his shoulder as he wound an arm around my shoulders.

"Yes…. But I am retired now…."

"But we're always going to be needed in some way, and I think that's nice."

"So…. Mia only wanted to say hello?"

"Actually, we ended up talking about relationships….. She is very fond of Nicholas."

"I'm sure he's just as fond of her….although I don't think I would apply the word 'fond' to him," he chuckled and I joined in.

"I certainly wouldn't apply it to you," I teased and he laughed as his grip around my shoulders tightened and I felt his lips begin their descent from my hair, down past my ear and my cheek…..

"Absolutely not….did you talk about us?"

"A little…. she wanted to know if we ever flirted…."

"What did you say?" he paused- his lips were near my neck and his goatee and breath were tickling.

"I said we did….unconsciously at first but then…."

"We did it because we could….I loved that about our relationship…." He breathed as he pushed back the collar of my blouse and I knew that it was only a matter of time before he turned me to jelly, so I added my other comment:

"I also did say that you were quite the romantic."

"What did she say?"

"I don't think she believed me," I bit my lip to stop laughing, feeling his indignation before I finally pulled away and burst out laughing.

"You tease! She did believe you!"

"Of course she did- she's always had a romantic view on our relationship, and I'm not about to disabuse her of that, although she may need to find out a few things one day…."

"Maybe, maybe not….."

"We'll see…."

We then sat there for a long time, simply enjoying the silence and the peaceful companionship- that was something else we had never had a problem with, it was always simply part of our relationship, a part that we appreciated.

"I do need to say something, though," I added, pulling away from him again and turning to look at him reclining against the sofa.

"What's that?" he reached out to touch my cheek.

"I love you….we have finally reached out happily ever after and I'm glad that I can share that with you."

"I'm glad of that…. and you know what?"

"What?"

"I love you too. Just the way you are."


End file.
